About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
