You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
In America we eat man semen.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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