Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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