just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Let the clothes fall where they may.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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