So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
