DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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