I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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