All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
