Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I will pee on everything he values.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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