Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
