Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
