my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
