Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
