sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
