Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
