i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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