Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
