Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize