She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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