She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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