he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
