I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
