fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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