we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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