I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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