i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
