I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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