i don't like sucking hair
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
