If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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