I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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