...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
