I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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