I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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