You're completely useless in the revolution.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
