butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
