Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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