what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
