every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
