He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you told grandpa to call you daddy
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
