we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
