How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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