i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
