Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
