shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
