Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
