The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
