New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
