Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
