it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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