Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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