I'm so fucking centered right now
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The uberlube is also flammable
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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