The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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