New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
