I'm lost and stupid without you.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
