Im at strip club and am horny
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
