whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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