I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
