I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
