foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
