Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
