bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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