how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
