I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
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