All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize