Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
