Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
