that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
