capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
