from now on my penis is your penis
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
