Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
