she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
