The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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