does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
