He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
whose ass print is on the piano?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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