If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
