i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
