Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
