dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
