Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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