There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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