I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
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