Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Randomize
