When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
