i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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