she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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