peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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