My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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