haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
