my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
