I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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