You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
