I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
from now on my penis is your penis
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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