This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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