I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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