Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
