I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
