my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
