my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
