how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
