this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
