drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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