I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
