We're like a lot better than the average bears
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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